OK so in the last 2 years a lot of shit has happened. some of it good.. a lot of it nothing .. and some of it bad.

about 2 years ago i was having a rely hard time with things. i was lonely and depressed and felt like I didn't know who I was any more. I was lost. Then I met her. on some silly internet sight called gaiaonline
I wasn't looking for any one wasn't looking for love. But I found it and after that all my other problems seemed to matter less. I loved this girl.. and she loved me. i could hold on to that whenever i felt like things were falling apart. Ill tell you all not it was not perfect. we didn't live any ware near to each other she lives in California U.S. and I live in British Colombia Canada the distance was hard for both of us. We split up more then a few times from it.. but we always worked it out and got back together. things went on like this for a little over a year. and as things went on she became more and more to me. I loved her she was everything to me. But also I think think some part of me knew that it was my love for her that was keeping me form going over the edge. Now just when things were going rely well. she started drinking and staying out rely late. and we boath wanted to see each other so much. so she had asked her mom if I cold fly down on her birth day to see her....her mom had sead yes...I was so happy. i would finely get to be with her.. if only for a little wile but i would have that...affection. and love...that i wanted so much....but then. 2 months before her birth day. just before the holidays ...something changed about her...i was rely worried. she was rely quiet.. and would space out a lot. whats worse we started fighting...until one day....she broke up with me...for good this time....i was crushed.....but evin after what she did to me... i still love her with all my heart ....I would still talk to her lat into the night... i still thought we may have had a chance to get back together like the times before...some times when she was drunk...she would tell me she was sorry for hurting me...and that she still loved me.....but the next day she would tell me what ha pend...and that she had not meant any thing she had sead the night before..and I would be hurt all over again...this went on for months....Evin still a bit now....she would tell me of the other boys she had been going out with since me....they all hurt her in some way or another......i still cant under stand why she had dumped me to be with them......so I've been barring all my feelings...trying to move on. trying to forget her....but unlike her.. i haven't found any one else to be with me..not evin a bad relationship....and Im losing hope that I will...its been almost a year now that she left me...and it still hurts.....every ware i look i see the relationships of other people shoved in my face. my friends my family TV books....but it all just reminds me that i have no one...im 17 now...and she is the only girl i have ever loved.......i doint want to be alone. I try to hide it. I think I pull it off pretty well. I still miss her a lot.. but i know its over now......i just wish i could find someone...

that is all I have to say for now.
i doint know if any one will evin read this.....but i had to get it out of my head.